Thoughts on Babies

Given the fact that I write a daily celebrity baby blog and that on any given day, three of my friends announce their pregnancies on Facebook, it's kind of hard NOT to think about babies. That, and I'm 32, and my biological clock has been ticking for about four years now, and although seeing a baby gets me all mushy and sets off that insatiable yearning for one of my own, I've been keeping a list of all the reasons not to have one. I'm probably approaching a thousand by now, but I'll share with your my top 10:

1. Sleep. I like sleep. Uninterrupted, blissful sleep, just me and my cat, preferably for 10-12 hours at a stretch. And naps, too.
2. College tuition. It was $20,000 a year when I was in school--I do not even want to fathom what it will be like twenty years from now. That, and I have not a penny saved for my own retirement. I'll pick retiring sometime before I die over a baby any day.
3. Alcohol. Nothing tastes better than a margarita after a really bad day. And 40 weeks with no wine? Doesn't sound like a fun proposition to me.
4. Mini-vans. All cool people say they will never own a mini-van, no matter how many children they will have. And yet, all cool people turn into people who own mini-vans. Bleh.
5. Diapers. There's a reason I refused to babysit for kids who weren't potty trained. And if you use cloth diapers, which is the en vogue and environmentally responsible thing to do, you have to wash the poopy diapers. I still get a little queasy cleaning out the litter box.
6. Going out. I enjoy doing adult things like eating at nice restaurants, watching foreign films and going to concerts. I can hardly afford to treat myself to such things--how on earth could I afford a babysitter? And if you've even been to a restaurant with screaming kids--well, not the most pleasant of experiences.
7. Travel. I like it, and like restaurants, prefer child-free flights, restaurants and attractions. Please shoot me if I ever have to go to Disneyworld again.
8. Food. Have you smelled baby food? Do you know how much teenagers eat? And a gallon of milk is nearly $5 these days. Craziness.
9. Breastfeeding. Yes, I know, it's natural, but it creeps me out. That, and I already had a breast reduction. I like them the size they are now--I'll leave the ginormous, leaking boobs to someone else.
10. Teeny-bopper music. Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, New Kids on the Block AGAIN? As a working professional who promotes quality music, I would rather die than have this dredge enter my house.